hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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