someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
