I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize