he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
