Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
