I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
