if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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