I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
