If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And then my night got REAL pukey
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
