shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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