Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Vodka?
Forever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
