you would pick up someone in the library
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sext me about skeletons
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
