I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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