its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
