wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
