I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
