we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
They have beer where we have blood.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
