I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
