I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
