Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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