I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
