Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
