I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
