I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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