Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
