thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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