i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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