i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
