God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
