Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
