she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
