I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
