You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
sex in a hospital.. check
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
