I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Holy shit dude........stairs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
