Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
