I should be sponsored by Trojan
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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