guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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