I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
