it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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