let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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