Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
