I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
