I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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