Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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