so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
