idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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