Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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