remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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