do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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