i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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