He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
