I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
