Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
