I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
