You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
