He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
