I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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