It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
