There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
