My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
