I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
