Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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