Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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