My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
