someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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