he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
