GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
