Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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