remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
