A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
someone owes me an orgasm
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
