you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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