best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
