Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
